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Intimate Relationships, Inherited Trauma, Hidden Loyalties, and Self Sabotage

Updated: Nov 28, 2021

Many people don't know the dangers of the subconscious mind. The subconscious is a part of the mind that loves us and wants us to be safe. How the subconscious makes us safe oddly enough can place us in danger. The subconscious downloads our entire life (every millisecond of it) and looks for patterns in the download. Those patterns are cataloged and the most repetitive patterns become the behaviors we act out or seek in our lives. The most repetitive patterns are labeled as "safer" to participate in because a) they represent what's familiar and easier to navigate and b) they represent what's more frequent in the environment and therefore they represent what the majority is doing, thinking, or saying.

What the majority is doing, thinking, or saying is always safer to mimic, emulate, mirror and copy. Sounds like a pretty safe survival protocol for being well-liked, doing what's already familiar, and blending into the herd to avoid attack...........but what about if you had a father who was absent, drunk, unhealthy, lazy, unmotivated, and depressed? Well, this part of the mind (the subconscious) will seek out male partners who are absent, addicted, unhealthy, unmotivated, and lazy. When people don't understand how their subconscious works and how the subconscious MANUFACTURES OUR BEHAVIORS AND BELIEFS, our lives don't get moving toward successful outcomes....ever.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE "THE MATTER OF THE HEART" PODCAST ON INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS, INHERITED TRAUMA, HIDDEN LOYALTIES, AND SELF SABOTAGE Females will always seek out the familiar male, males will always seek out the familiar females even if it makes them completely miserable.....up to and including finding male partners who are just like their Dad, finding a female partner who is just Mom even though they may have never admired their Dad or Mom whatsoever. This is the power of the subconscious, it wants everything to stay predictable and the same, even if seeking the predictable makes our life a complete disaster. The subconscious doesn't care about happiness, bliss, or if you die a premature and painful death seeking out the familiar. The subconscious is our most basic safety-seeking protocol and it only knows how to copy, mimic, emulate and mirror what's the most repetitive or familiar in our environment. Your happiness doesn't matter to the subconscious mind.

But hold on, there is a solution... I know one lady whose father passed away when she was young. He died in an alcohol-related incident because he drank too much and that cost him his life. And sure enough, given the way the subconscious mind works, all she has ever dated are addicts, and those addicts are never bonded with, quickly thrown to the curb to make way for the next addict. Not only is this lady mimicking the addict male programming downloaded into her subconscious, but she also can't keep the addict in the house because the father was absent so long, she can't stand a man being in the house for too long either. She constantly recreates her old house inside her new house, regarding the male figure, in terms of the male "not being there" and also the male "being an addict". It's a complete and utter disaster but she finds it soothing, comfortable and predictable.......and that's how the subconscious works.

The subconscious represents a record in a jukebox and you will play the same record every single day unless you make a new record. Until this lady learns about the subconscious and how to reprogram it (by cutting herself a new record to play in her jukebox), she will constantly fall in love with addicts and then quickly dump them, simply because that's all she's ever known. Her subconscious is designed to make sure that what she knows is all she will ever know......because it's safer to do what you know compared to trying something you don't know. Simple stuff. Do what you know, even if it makes you cry in the corner every single day.

Sound familiar?

The beautiful part of this is that there is a part of the brain that has a special computer code or programming language that can change what it seeks and what it acts out at any time. It's a simple code because it's a simple part of the mind that can be rewired after the discovery of the source of trauma and that can even include possible inherited family trauma. I know this because I lived through this. Through my studies in Systemic (Trauma) Family Constellation and Self Sabotage, and NLP I decoded the inherited patterns that were continually playing out in my life holding me hostage and preventing me from living out "my best life".

When I say "my best life" it is because I was not living "my life" but the life I was programmed to live out. Now ... I live "my best life" for myself.

At a very deep soul level, we all want to live out "our best life" and that includes you, and because I know you too want to live "your best life" for yourself what could possibly prevent you from contacting me @

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